Title: Things to Miss
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: Grodin/Zelenka
Rating: NC-17
Date: December 22, 2004
Notes: Thanks to Nemoinis and bachelor_girl for a rockin' beta, and to bluespirit_star for last minute info. The first section of this was posted before as a standalone ficlet, and the rest is mostly inspired by Nemo wanting more, including some sex, and my own desire to avoid other things. :-)
Disclaimer: Y'all know they're not mine and I'm not making any profit. Anything that sucks is not the fault of any of TPTB or my betas.
Spoilers: None, since canon has absolutely nothing to do with this pairing.
All comments welcome at coreopsis@gmail.com
"I miss strawberries." Peter sighed as he sat down to his ninety-eighth meal in the mess hall. "Fresh baked scones."
"I miss blueberries," said Zelenka, looking up from his half-finished dinner with an understanding nod. "And real cream."
"Fresh-squeezed orange juice and cotton candy. Not at the same time, of course."
"Raw broccoli." Peter looked at Zelenka who shrugged. "What? I like it. How about my mother's vegetable soup? Is that better?"
"You can miss whatever you like." Peter settled down to eating his dinner, but he couldn't get his mind off of all things back home he didn't have here. "I miss trains."
"Ah. When they run on time." Zelenka folded his napkin over his empty plate and sat back. "I miss radio."
"Dancing," said Peter. Zelenka didn't nod in agreement that time so Peter asked, "You don't like to go out and dance?"
"Not really. I work, I read, play chess and bridge. I never was into the clubs and dating and..." Zelenka shrugged again. "Building computers, now there's a hobby."
"Ha. Everyone does that."
"Do you know there are people who don't even know how to use one?"
"You're kidding me."
"No, really. I saw it on television, so it must be true."
Peter laughed and realized that he'd never noticed how funny Zelenka could be. It wasn't even in what he said, but the sly twist of his mouth and innocent tone of voice when he said it. "Television. There's another thing to miss."
"The only thing the Americans do best. I loved the Discovery Channel."
"Cartoon Network. TechTV."
Zelenka stared off into the distance and said, in a voice filled with longing, "ESPN."
"The Playboy Channel."
Zelenka's eyes widened behind his glasses and he said, "Doctor Grodin, you surprise me."
"I just wanted to see if you were listening." Peter grinned and wondered what else would surprise Zelenka. "Another thing I miss..."
After several seconds of silence, Zelenka tilted his head and said, "Yes?"
"Dating." Peter pushed his plate to the side and planted his elbows on the edge of the table. He propped his chin on his hands and said, "It's just so hard here, you know, to see if someone's interested. You can't just ask someone out for coffee when we all get our coffee from the same place anyway."
Zelenka looked at Peter as if he'd suddenly started speaking another language, and Peter found his expression more appealing than he'd have expected. Zelenka considered the problem for a moment before saying, "Why don't you just go up to her and say 'do you want to share coffee with me in the mess hall?' If she agrees, you can then ask if she wants to go for a walk in one of the lesser used sections of the city."
"Well, it's not always that easy to know if the other person would be interested. In the same kind of person you are." Peter willed Zelenka to understand what he was getting at, but the man just continued to stare at him like a rabbit caught in headlights. "I mean to say, the person might not be...the correct orientation."
Zelenka blinked and ducked his head, then he glanced up over the edge of his glasses. "Ah, I see. Yes. Umm...well."
"Yes. If you ask someone who is not interested, you still have to see them everyday and it could be very uncomfortable. Especially if the person is not...accepting of..."
"Yes, yes, I see. What you have to do, then, is be subtle and very sneaky. You could ask McKay for advice." He cast a significant look at the man who'd just walked into the mess hall.
"McKay? He doesn't know the meaning of the word subtle."
"But he can be sneaky. Trust me on this." Zelenka looked as if he was going to say something else, but McKay and Sheppard walked over with their trays and Zelenka closed his mouth.
"Zelenka, Grodin. Mind if we join you?" Sheppard asked, even though McKay had already sat down next to Peter and started eating.
Peter glanced at his and Zelenka's empty plates and then looked up at Sheppard. "Actually, we're done, so the table's all yours." He smiled at Zelenka and decided to perform a test. If Zelenka was interested, he ought to pass quite easily. "Would you like to go get some coffee?"
Zelenka paused briefly in the middle of pushing his chair back to stand, then slowly straightened up and said, "Okay. Then we can go for a walk in the east sector if you'd like. There's some interesting things in one of the labs down there."
Peter nodded and went to put his tray away and get a fresh cup of coffee. As he walked away, he heard McKay say, "Way to go, Zelenka. You finally got a date."
Since both Sheppard and Zelenka shushed him, Peter couldn't hear what else, if anything, was said, but McKay gave them both an odd little smile as they left the mess hall.
Peter took a sip of his coffee and turned to Zelenka with forced casualness. "So what was that all about?"
"What? McKay? Pay him no mind."
"Did you just play me into asking you out?"
"I?" Zelenka's eyes widened and he put one hand on his chest. "You think I would do that?"
He looked so genuinely concerned--although not quite offended--that Peter thought he must have imagined something that wasn't there. "No. Forget I said anything."
Zelenka nodded and fell into step next to Peter as they walked down the corridor, just a little closer together than normal.
"You know what else I miss? Libraries with real books."
"Bookstores." Peter nodded and added, "And coffeehouses."
"Sharper Image."
"Harrod's."
"The World Cup."
"Oh, good one." Peter smiled at Zelenka who smiled back, and he decided that even if this didn't go anywhere, he'd at least found a friend to miss home with. But he really hoped it'd go somewhere, and maybe he'd see where it went this evening.
***
"So you see, the possibilities for a new power source are significantly better now. We just have to work out the parameters for a--"
Taking a chance that all the lingering looks and casual touches they'd shared meant that his attraction was returned, Peter placed his fingers over Zelenka's mouth and said, "Keep talking like that and I'm going to think you're trying to turn me on."
Zelenka blinked and smiled against Peter's fingers. "Is it working?"
Peter dropped his hand, and smiled back. "Kind of." His stomach felt twitchy and he couldn't quite stand still, and he'd become increasingly aware of how good Zelenka smelled, like coffee and vanilla and something he couldn't quite name. He just knew he liked it. A lot.
Zelenka moved a little closer, not quite making eye contact any more, and Peter reached out, brushing Zelenka's fingers with his. Zelenka's hand twitched and he cleared his throat. "I talk too much when I'm nervous."
"There's nothing to be nervous about." Peter tried hard to believe his own words.
"Maybe. Maybe not. It's kind of..." As Zelenka trailed off, his fingers curled around Peter's.
Peter clung to the gesture, drew strength from it, and before he could start to worry again, he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Zelenka's closed mouth.
"Oh." Zelenka stared at him, the dim light of the corridor making his eyes look deep and black. "That was nice....oh, I'm sorry. Not nice. Well, yes, but better than nice. I'm doing it again."
"It's okay. I know what you meant." Peter smiled as the butterflies in his stomach settled down a bit. He pressed his lips against Zelenka's and kissed him again. This time he didn't draw away immediately. He parted his lips and licked at Zelenka's soft lips, silently asking him to open his mouth, and when he did, Peter tasted the coffee and vanilla and something else he still couldn't quite name.
And all the while, the only other place they touched was where their hands clutched together.
***
"Hey, Grodin, how's it going?" McKay raised his eyebrows expectantly and Peter was at a loss as to why.
"Fine. I've almost got the console reconfigured for the new lab. I'll just need to..." he trailed off when McKay looked at him impatiently and shook his head. "What?"
"I meant with you and Zelenka."
Since when had McKay been interested in his personal life? Since when had McKay been interested in anyone but himself or his team? Peter stared at him suspiciously, wondering what he was up to.
When Peter didn't say anything, McKay said, "Well, I just... Heh. You know how scientists are at personal relationships."
Had McKay somehow forgotten that Peter--like McKay himself-- was a scientist as well? Yet, oddly, it was the perceived insult to Zelenka that bothered Peter most. He whipped his head around to make sure there was no one around to overhear, and when he was satisfied, he said, "Oh? How are they?"
He was certain that his tone would have left icicles hanging off a normal person's nose but McKay just stared back with his usual arrogance. "Frequently bad. Since he's not acting any different, I thought maybe it didn't work out."
"We're fine. Now, I have work to do." Peter turned around and went back to what he'd been doing before McKay interrupted, wondering where Zelenka had gotten the idea that McKay was subtle. Really. Everyone in the city was certain that he and Major Sheppard had a closer than working relationship, if not an outright sexual one.
Sometime after McKay got bored and left him alone, he glanced up again when Doctor Weir and Major Sheppard walked by talking about how McKay would come up with a brilliant plan to fix whatever was broken this week, and the thought occurred to him that if McKay didn't have a sexual relationship with Sheppard yet, it was only a matter of time. Sheppard sure put a lot of stock in McKay's intellect, and wasn't that all that McKay asked from anyone?
Maybe that's how most of the science team were, but Peter couldn't help but think a little good old fashion physical lust was pretty good too. He knew Zelenka respected his brain, but it was those little glances at his body that set his motor running.
***
Peter had just gotten ready for bed when someone knocked at his door. Knowing it wasn't an emergency since Weir would have been calling him over the comm system, he finished folding back the covers on his bed and then triggered the door with a thought. The doors swished open to reveal Zelenka, positively beaming and all but bouncing in place. "Peter! You have to come see this."
"What's wrong?" Peter asked, half alarmed and half intrigued. He'd seldom seen Zelenka as excited as he was right now, tugging on Peter's arm and leading him toward the door.
"Nothing's wrong. Something's incredibly right." Zelenka squeezed Peter's wrist and Peter felt a wave of warmth. "I finally made a significant breakthrough on the project I've been working on."
"The jumper--"
"Yes, come see," Zelenka interrupted excitedly. "I thought of you first thing, because you've been so good about listening to me babble on about it, and I thought you'd like to see what it was all about."
"Yes, okay, but wait a minute." Peter gestured at the boxers which were the only thing he wore, and said, "Could I get dressed first?"
Zelenka's gaze swept from Peter's naked chest right down to his bare feet, then made a leisurely return trip. By the time Zelenka met his eye again, his cheeks felt warm and his palms were damp. Zelenka blinked and licked his lips before stammering, "I...uh...yes, that might be best."
As Peter turned away to put on a shirt and trousers, he could still feel Zelenka staring at him and it felt good. Promising. Maybe after they finished looking at the jumper, Peter would ask Zelenka if he wanted to come back to Peter's quarters for awhile. After a frustrating week of missed dinner dates and stolen moments that ended in nothing more than practically chaste kisses, he wanted more. Maybe tonight was finally his chance.
***
Zelenka's hair flopped over his forehead and curled around his ears, and Peter wanted to brush it back but he'd have to take his hands out of Zelenka's trousers to do it. He wanted skin--gloriously hot naked skin next to his, and for that he had to get Zelenka naked while not getting distracted by Zelenka's agile hands taking Peter's own clothes off. And Zelenka's mouth. That was the biggest distraction of all because it was doing delightful things to his nipples and to his shoulder and oh...the curve of his biceps, a heretofore unknown erogenous zone. Zelenka dropped a tender kiss to the inside of Peter's elbow and raised his head.
He muttered something in Czech and then said, "Sorry. I forgot to ask what you like." He motioned to their bodies stretched out side by side on the rumpled covers of Peter's bed. "What you do. You know...umm." His smile was a mixture of shyness and eagerness.
Peter smiled back and took advantage of Zelenka's distraction to pull his shirt off. "What I like--" He tossed the shirt to the floor and nipped at one of Zelenka's collarbones. "--is you. What I'll do--" He got Zelenka's trousers open and started pushing them off his hips. "--is whatever you want. Bottom, top, whatever."
Zelenka's eyes widened, and Peter noticed how much younger he looked without his glasses. "I...umm...don't usually...well, rush into these things." His cheeks were pink from whatever was going on in his head, but he leaned forward and kissed Peter gently but thoroughly. "It's not that I don't trust you. I just don't...have a lot of experience."
The man kissed too damn well to be a virgin so Peter put that thought out of his mind and pushed Zelenka onto his back and worked his trousers off, leaving his boxers in place. He undressed down to his underwear and straddled Zelenka's hips. He dropped a kiss in the middle of his chest and murmured, "Relax, we'll take it as slow as you want." He licked at a nipple then rolled it gently between his teeth until Zelenka reached for him again, his hands sliding around Peter's sides and then easing slowly down to his hips as if he was afraid that Peter would stop him. Silly man, thought Peter with a grin against pale skin. He'd been absolutely honest when he'd said he'd do anything Zelenka wanted. One of these days, he'd have to admit just how deep his feelings for Zelenka had grown, but for now...
Peter stretched out on top of Zelenka, so that their chests and abdomens were pressed together and he could bury his hands in Zelenka's soft, tangled hair and kiss him just as slow and long as he wanted. He tasted Zelenka's mouth and teased his tongue with his own. He sucked at Zelenka's lower lip and tried not to think of all the other things he wanted to suck. He'd promised to take it slow, and he'd do it even if the anticipation was killing him. His cock was pressed against Zelenka's, muffled by two thin layers of cotton, and oh how he wanted to remove those last barriers and just take everything Zelenka had to offer. But all he did was move one hand down to pet Zelenka's arm while he sucked at the pulse point on Zelenka's neck. He could feel Zelenka's heartbeat fluttering wildly against his tongue and his own heart felt like it would explode from the overload of feelings, both physical and emotional.
Zelenka nestled his thigh in between Peter's legs and he slid his hands inside Peter's boxers, fingers spreading and curving, clutching Peter's ass as he pulled Peter tighter against his body. He was all but humping Peter, and Peter couldn't object to that at all. He raised his face to Zelenka's to kiss him deeply, and then he reluctantly let go of Zelenka's mouth and said, "Anything. Anything for you."
"Oh. Yes." Zelenka closed his eyes, his hands tightening and his hips arching to rub his cock hard against Peter's, and then he gasped and bit down on his lower lip. A second or two later, Peter felt the warm dampness of Zelenka's come seeping through his shorts and triggering his own release. He stiffened and clutched at Zelenka as his entire universe narrowed down to the pleasure pulsing through his cock.
Peter slipped off to one side and collapsed next to Zelenka. He turned his head to look at Zelenka's face, only to find that he still had his eyes squeezed shut and his face was flushed. He raised one languid hand and laid it on Zelenka's chest. "Are you okay?"
"I'm so...so sorry," Zelenka whispered through lips barely moving.
"What? Why?" Peter raised up on his elbows so he could meet Zelenka's eyes.
Zelenka looked up at him. "I...it's been so long. I couldn't wait."
"You didn't have to." Peter leaned over and placed a kiss on Zelenka's unusually smooth cheek--he must have shaved just before coming to see Peter, which made Peter feel even warmer toward him. "It was good. Didn't you enjoy it?"
"Yes, yes, of course, I did," Zelenka said quickly. "You are...yes, I...umm. We can do it again, yes?"
Peter laughed. "I certainly hope so."
"Good." Zelenka beamed up at Peter, his eyes twinkling with so much excitement that Peter just had to kiss him again. Kissing led to more touching, and touching eventually led to more coming, and Zelenka never did go back to his room that night.
***
Zelenka was typing away at the computer on his desk when Peter walked into his lab. He'd promised to be finished working by now, but there was always one more little thing to do. After a couple of weeks, Peter had figured out that if he wanted to have dinner on time, he had to come and pry Zelenka out of his lab instead of waiting for him to show up, full of sincere apologies but still late.
"I'm almost done, I swear." Zelenka didn't even look up as Peter came around to prop his hip on the desk next to his chair. He just typed a little bit faster for a moment, then he decisively punched a few keys and closed the laptop. "See? Done."
Peter leaned down and kissed Zelenka full on the mouth. Zelenka's hands came up to cradle the back of Peter's head as he kissed Peter back for a long breathless moment. When they both pulled back slightly, Peter smiled and said, "How hungry are you?"
Zelenka straightened his glasses and leaned back in to lick at Peter's lips. "For you, very. For food, not so much."
"I was thinking the same," Peter murmured into Zelenka's kiss. He wasn't sure it was understandable, but Zelenka seemed to get the point because he wrapped his arms around Peter's hips and pulled him forward into his lap. The chair rolled back and banged against the wall and Peter threw out his arms for balance, laughing and asking, "Are you sure this chair will hold us both?"
"No," said Zelenka with impish smile. He tilted his head up for another kiss and curved his hands around Peter's waist, pulling at Peter's shirt so he could slip his fingers under the fabric. "Why don't we find out?"
"Should we be doing this here?" Peter grinned and shivered as Zelenka's fingertips skated up and down his spine then dipped into his waistband. Zelenka didn't answer verbally, but his mouth on Peter's throat sent a clear enough message. Peter sent a thought to the doors to lock them, and then thought about the lights being just a shade dimmer. He used the gene every day in his work in important ways, but it was the little stupid things he got the most kick out of. Zelenka teased him that he was as bad as a kid with a new toy, telling him he'd make himself lazy, but he was so gentle about it that Peter couldn't take offense.
"Peter, I want you," Zelenka muttered against Peter's neck, his breath warm against the damp skin. His fingers skimmed Peter's shirt up his back. He pulled away just long enough to tug the shirt over Peter's head and say, "Here, now. I don't want to wait until we are somewhere else."
The doors swished open and McKay's cheery, "Hey, Zelenka, why'd you lock--" broke off. "Well, hello, Grodin." Peter turned to see McKay leering at him.
Peter rolled his eyes and got off of Zelenka's lap. He reached down to the floor for his shirt and whispered, "You know what I miss the most?"
"Privacy?" asked Zelenka with a sigh.
"Yes." Peter pulled his shirt on and faced McKay with all his considerable store of dignity back in place. "Can this wait, McKay? Doctor Zelenka and I were just on our way to dinner."
"Is that what they're calling it these days?" McKay smirked. When Peter and Zelenka both just glared at him, he lifted his chin and said, "I wanted to look at the specs on the jumper modification we were working on yesterday."
Zelenka tapped out a few commands on his computer and then stepped back. "There they are. If you want to discuss it, we can look at them together tomorrow morning."
"Can't. I'm going off-world tomorrow." McKay crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows imperiously.
Zelenka looked at Peter longingly for a brief moment before turning to McKay. "I can come back after dinner if it really cannot wait."
McKay nodded and waited for Peter and Zelenka to move out of the way so he could sit down at the desk. Peter glanced back at McKay as he started to follow Zelenka out the door, and an idea came to him.
Peter waited until the doors slid shut behind them and they were a few meters down the corridor before turning to Zelenka. "I wonder where Major Sheppard is."
"What... oh. Yes, he's probably in the mess hall at this time of day." Zelenka grinned and bumped his shoulder against Peter's. "I love the way you think."
"Is that all?" Peter asked, smiling casually even though his heart thumped in his chest like it was trying to get out.
Zelenka glanced over his shoulder and then reached for Peter's hand. "No."
Peter wanted to say something, reveal the scope of his feelings or at least say those three words that were starting to feel so cliched and inadequate yet hovered over his tongue like a hummingbird beating at the bars of a cage, but his voice and his nerve failed him. He squeezed Zelenka's hand before letting go and hoped his smile told Zelenka everything words couldn't.
Zelenka nodded and they continued to the mess hall, walking close enough for their arms to brush occasionally. Sheppard wasn't there so they decided to go ahead and eat since McKay had not killed the mood but certainly interrupted it. And if they managed to distract McKay with Sheppard later, he and Zelenka would need their strength for when they got the mood back. After getting their trays, they took seats across from each other at the only empty table. They ate in silence for awhile, until Zelenka paused with a forkful of instant mashed potatoes halfway to his mouth and said, "I really miss potato chips sometimes."
"I'd give anything for a strawberry milkshake," Peter said, after sipping at his water. He was still getting used to the unusual mineral taste.
"I wish we could go to the cinema together." Zelenka took a couple more bites of his dinner and said, "Hmm. Movie popcorn."
"I wish we could go ice skating at Somerset House over Christmas." Peter tilted his head and considered Zelenka critically. "You do skate, don't you?"
"Of course. I played hockey as a boy." Zelenka shrugged. "It was the only way to keep from being picked on. A small kid who is at the top of the class needs any edge he can get."
Peter could relate but before he could say so, Major Sheppard walked in to the mess hall alone, searching the faces of everyone in the room. As he walked by their table, Zelenka looked up and said, "McKay's in the lab, and I think he was looking for you earlier."
"What? Oh, uh...thanks." Sheppard spun on his heel and ambled right back out of the mess hall, but Peter noticed he walked a lot quicker when he got out into the corridor.
Peter tossed his napkin over his plate and said, "So, dessert?"
Zelenka put his hand up to his face as if considering a very complicated question. "Maybe some coffee and a walk."
"To your quarters or mine?" Peter asked quietly with a tiny smile, as more people began to arrive in the mess hall.
"Whichever's closer." Zelenka stood up to bus his tray and said, "And we can skip the coffee since you've already got me."
Peter nodded and picked up his own tray. He had Zelenka and Zelenka had him, and really they weren't missing all that much.
The end.
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